Further to our recent meeting, I write to confirm my resignation as Pope, to take affect from 28/2/13.
As stated in that meeting, whilst I understand your concern at the
downturn in trade, I cannot agree with your strategy for growing the
business. Threats of hell-fire, plagues of locusts and Jimmy Savilles'
resurrection might have worked in bronze-age Palestine, but I feel such
an approach now in the 21st century is short-sighted. Ever since Charles
Darwin opened his first 'Common Sense' store in the 19th Century, you
and I have seen a slow but steady decline in business. In more recent
times, the opening of such stores as 'Richard Dawkins Ltd' or 'Professor
Brian Cox's Emporium' have brought into sharp focus what an outdated
business-model the Catholic Church has become and as such, I feel no
longer able to fulfil my role as Chief Executive.
I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for giving me the
post in the first place and wish you luck in finding a successor.
Pope Ratzinger PS. You are more than welcome to attend my leaving-do at Yate's Wine lodge in Peckham on the 28th.