Wednesday, 13 February 2013

Ratzinger in the job market.

God Almighty Ltd
1 Genesis House

Re: J Ratzinger/Poundland application

Dear Mr Mullard,
Thank you for your recent letter requesting a reference for the above-named, who held the position of ‘Pope’ at God Almighty Ltd from 2005-2013.

Punctuality & Reliability
Mr Ratzinger was required to work a 37.5hr week, including Sundays, with one day off for Blood Transfusions.  As Mr Ratzinger lived ‘above the shop’ so to speak, his time-keeping was exemplary.

At the time of writing, we are still awaiting the return of the following items. 
  •   Three sets of flowing robes.
  •   One Bible (Signed 1st edition)
  •   My Lady Gaga CD
  •    24ct Gold Papal Ring inscribed with the words “Pax Childus Sphincter Jimmus Savilleus
Sickness Record
During his employment, no days were lost due to sickness: This was mainly due to 24hr on-call Doctors, Nurses and being plugged into the mains.

Customer Service Skills
Providing Poundland customers do NOT include Muslims, Jews, Atheists, Homosexuals, AIDS victims, un-married couples, users of contraception, feminists, rationalists, child protection officers, Richard Dawkins or any descendants of Henry VIII – Excellent.

Yours Sincerely
PS: My Son wants to know if your selling Easter Eggs this year?

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