Sunday, 31 March 2013

Church Even Less Use Than Chocolate Tea-Pot.

A Vatican translator  has been suspended after the English version of the Popes traditional ‘Urbi et Orbi’  Easter address, called for Cadbury’s to stop selling its crème eggs so early in the year, Snickers bars to be called Marathon again and a ban on Catholics eating Jelly Babies out of wedlock.

The rogue English version came after Pope Frances made impassioned but pointless calls for world peace in other languages and left the English speaking Catholics listening in St Peters square perplexed. Before news of the naughty translation emerged, The Archbishop of Westminster Cardinal Vincent Nicholls, added to the church’s embarrassment by immediately interpreting the Popes words as ‘allegory' and told his congregation that…

“When our Pontiff speaks of crème eggs, he speaks of course of Christ’s suffering on the cross when he saw the eggs being sold before he’d even popped-his-clogs; the Marathon bar is a call for a return to the original Mother Church and the Jelly babies is...ermm…right..we will now sing Hymn 231, “Oh Lord, oh Lord, you really are the dogs do-dahs and no mistake"

Mars, The Makers of Snickers, Have Said Changing The Name Is About As Likely As The Second-Coming.

Image "Snickers" Scott Ehardt CC public domain.


  1. Acolyte of Sagan31 March 2013 at 17:30

    Might the Jelly Babies be symbolic of the non-baptised babies kicking their barely-formed heels in purgatory?

  2. Ahhh how sweet!

    Hello, Mr S. Meant to say, despite the hundreds of people now commenting on this blog, you are still my first. You never forget the first time do you?

    1. Acolyte of Sagan31 March 2013 at 22:05

      I see a (rather plagiaristic) film coming on:

      If You Write It-
      They Will Come.

      Starring Kevin Costner as Nigel
      Random Old Geezer as the Acolyte.