Christians around the world have had their faith rocked following the discovery of ancient texts in the former Palestine, which blow the entire Easter story sky-high. The papyrus scrolls contain passages claiming that following the Crucifixion, Jesus had been unable to achieve a resurrection, leaving his followers feeling frustrated and cheated.
The texts appear to have been written by one of the followers
of Jesus, Mary Magdalene. In the Bible story, it is Mary who first witnesses
the Messiahs resurrection, leaving her filled with hope, expectation and
instantly lifting her headache. The story continues that Mary rushes to tell
the disciples the news of how the Lord had ‘risen' and that over the course of many hours,
they all queued patiently to witness the miracle, implying that Jesus was
capable of maintaining his resurrection for some time.
However, the texts tell a different story and one passage in
particular has destroyed many Christian’s faith, hope and security-blanket…
“….and verily, my Lord
did boasteth that his death would frustrate me not and that soon he would
transport me to heaven and maketh the earth move with a mighty resurrection and
bringeth tears to my eyes. Upon his last breath, I did wait in high excitement
and longing but to no avail. Seeing my lord still limpeth and lifeless upon the
next dawn, I did feel sorely bereft and took myself to the Disciple Thomas, who
had always exclaimed his doubt that the lord would achieve a resurrection and
that if not, I should pop round and he would sorteth me out mightily….”
The Catholic Church has condemned Pfizer the makers of Viagra, for claiming it guarantees 'entry to heaven'
You are a very naughty boy! Go and wash your mouth out!
ReplyDeleteDavid Amies
....but Mr Amies! I only report the news!
ReplyDeleteThe first commenter should have told you to wash your keyboard out. As I have to do now. BTW, you owe me a large coffee. The previous cup was in my hand when I began to read your post.
ReplyDeleteMr Linville,
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear of your keyboard & Coffee incident. However, I strongly suspect this simply a ruse you probably use with various satirical sites, in order to extract money/free coffee. That said, if you recommend this tripe to at least 20 friends, then I think buying you a coffee the next time your on the Isle of Wight is guaranteed; however, it must be on a Tuesday and you must be accompanied by an arthritic Donkey called Mabel
I've got the donkey if you've got the ferry tickets, Alan L.
ReplyDeleteDon't forget to put your clocks forward tonight. One hour for mainland Britain, fifty-six years for the IoW.
tut! It's 51yrs actually Mr Sarky-Knickers!
ReplyDeleteIs this an actual viable source? If so can I get it?
ReplyDeleteThanks!